Break ke baad

Along-term live-in relationship ending is like a divorce without you having to sign any dotted line. The implications can be just as heavy. Yes, it's the end of the world at the beginning, but we're showing you the way to dawn.

Interior Design

As clich as it may sound, re-arrange the furniture. It's time for a new beginning. So get any bric-a-brac that was his separate from what is yours. Don't get tacky or cheap. If there is a painting he really likes (unless it's a Tyeb Mehta), let go. If you want the fridge that he bought, put it across lightly (this is provided the break up is good). With very bad breakups, it's best to keep what's yours and let go of what you'll never see again, including him.

Box it in

Remember that women are more domestically inclined than men. Men are happy to pack their checked shirts and denims and leave. But they'll leave behind their socks, or their bills (you were mothering the loser, weren't you?), a whole load of stuff that they may not value. Now when making that little memory box, remember to curate stuff that really matters. Plus, time is crucial. You don't want to spend a whole month doing this. It should be done with the clinical precision of a mover-and-packer firm. Seal it, and put it up there in the maala. Remember that it's very very petty to burn or destroy reminders. Five years down the road you'll be laughing at this phase. And sometimes, it's good to go back.

Respect

This is true for anybody. But emotional lot that we Indians are, try and keep at least an iota of respect for a relationship you once had. Yes, it's over, and yes, you might have fallen out badly. But don't cheapen the essence of what once was. There are common friends involved (more on that later), there is family involved, there is the many years you spent together, and not all of it was bad. Meditation (or even a shrink) would help. At the same time, jumping onto the Prozac bandwagon means more pills are to follow. So until very distraught, do not push the pill button, yet.

Family

With his family, keep a distance. Remember that at the end of the day, they are going to side with their own blood. And while things are cordial, the weekly lunch with his sister, or the yoga class with his mother might have to stop. They might want to keep in touch with you for formality's sake, and so should you. But a rift is inevitable. So go with the flow: away. It's time to say goodbye.

Friends

With common friends, it's very different from family. Remember that you are an individual, and so are the common friends you both shared. Don't give up on these. If one of his closest friends is choosing to stay in touch with you, it's because they value you. Don't hurt anybody in the process. Try and not discuss the relationship (but you know you will). And over time, it'll become a former issue. You'll perhaps even laugh about how you were a doormat at a stage, but for this point to come, you'll have to work beyond.

The Sex Trap

You've broken up. But every now and then, when he wants to unwind his emotions, he drops in. And then you have sex. You know what — this is not something that is going to improve your chances of getting back to the relationship (even if you think it will).             You're steadily becoming the easy lay he can do with. Don't freak out. Just remember that men's approach to sex is very different from women. So no casual sex ever if it's over. It's over with a capital O. Keep it that way.

No one night stands, when it's convenient for him. It'll ruin your mental happiness, and your self-esteem. Sex is a closed door. Find your kinks from elsewhere.

Send out the Message

Hang out with friends, go out to new parties. Yes, it might seem like a new teenage, but who has the privilege these days to enjoy Teenage Part II: an adolescent sequel, especially in your late 20s or 30s?

Use the breakup to indulge yourself (without becoming an alcoholic, or a junkie). Host a house party for friends. Don't make this a habit though.  Get back to reading, and immediately sign up with a DVD library near you – it's Danielle Steele time yet again.. Until Tomorrow Comes…